![]() ![]() 'Wonderful play, marvellous acting, now I'm off.' He looked full of energy, with black curly hair and pointed ears like a satyr.īefore I left, I went over to him. Towards the end of a dinner party to celebrate the opening of a new Harold Pinter play, I was disappointed not to sit next to the playwright himself. Lady Antonia Fraser, 90, best known for her historical biographies, has been married twice and has six children. TRUE ROMANCE DOESN'T WITHER - IT'S IMMORTAL ![]() The best things in life are the things you earn for your efforts, and top of that list is a good relationship.Īnyone can meet a stranger in a bar and feel a palpitation, but holding that same hand 40 years on and marvelling at how much you've survived together is, for me, the definition of true love. Real love changes shape and form over years together, and sometimes needs a helping hand to get it back on track, while romantic love, left to its own devices, just fizzles out and leaves us empty-handed.ĭespite the assertion that the best things in life are free, I beg to disagree. ![]() Of course, we all need the memories and remnants of early lust to draw on when those primitive desires seem out of reach, but we also need the self-discipline to accept our choices and make the best of them, not look constantly to greener pastures. It's a perfect example of the difference between romanticising a relationship by expecting desire to remain fixed and constant, or electing to work on desire that fluctuates, because you love someone. I won't apologise or feel embarrassed to admit that's how I stop the physical side of my marriage from falling by the wayside. What author Caitlin Moran describes in her unique vernacular as the 'maintenance 's**g'. Last week, I was widely mocked for admitting that I schedule sex, as advised by a wise therapist friend who told me that making intimacy a regular date may sound 'unromantic' but is far better than hoping for spontaneity to propel you when familiarity sets in. What I believe in is choice, chemistry and then loyalty, forgiveness, tolerance, kindness, respect and the ability to step beyond your own desires in order to fulfil someone else's. I think the hardest job we have is to translate early lust, physical and mental, into lasting love - this is something far less instinctive but it is what cements you together and carries you through the trials and tribulations of life. Mariella Frostrup: Anyone can meet a stranger in a bar and feel a palpitation, but holding that same hand 40 years on and marvelling at how much you've survived together is, for me, the definition of true love If anyone thinks that happy-ever-after has a place in our lives, forget it.' She means that fuzzy fairy tale so many fall into blindly, and I agree.įor two decades, I penned an agony column where the words 'soulmate' would appear in every second missive, and I would frequently start my reply with the crushing assertion that I don't believe in soulmates. The Oscar winner, 63, who has been married to actor Greg Wise for 20 years, says: 'Long-term relationships are hugely difficult and complicated. I am in step with Emma Thompson for claiming we must take the notion of romantic love 'with a massive pinch of salt'. He wisely wrote that true love is not about fleeting beauty, but rather the soul, its sorrows and even a partner's 'changing face'. I'm now 'old and grey and nodding by the fire'. Forty years down the line, 20 of them in comfortable cohabitation with the father of our two kids, and it's Yeats to whom I look for a quieter kind of romantic wisdom. I thought that my heart would beat faster, skies would clear to blue, I'd dance down high streets without getting run over by traffic and the whole wide world would start looking surprisingly like a rom-com set. Sometimes I wonder if I could sue for having been at the receiving end of misleading information in my teens.īack then, I was assured by magazines and movies, books and friends that I'd know 'true love' when I encountered it. ![]()
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